How The Eurozone Crisis Will be Solved

  • Robust measures
  • A forward thinking strategy
  • Strong leadership
  • Decisive and timely action
  • Take all necessary steps to strengthen and reinvigorate our economies
  • Combat financial stresses
  • Support growth
  • Address the strains in the eurozone in a credible and timely manner
  • Find ways to restore healthy growth
  • Take action
  • Ensure a strong growth agenda
  • Sing songs
  • Construct a framework of global initiatives designed to bring decisive action to the table
  • Reassure the markets
  • Issue robust statements which state the issues and pledge to address those issues with a cohesive strategy of decisive active planning
  • Speed up the process of recovery
  • Provide forward thinking solutions in an ever changing financial landscape
  • Apply fiscal measures to promote strong, robust, sustainable growth
  • Increase financial stability to provide a firm, robust bedrock on which to securely base the ongoing recovery
  • Develop a responsive, agile, cohesive economic strategy which will invigorate the economy without damaging it
  • Energise the markets decisively
  • Solve the problem
  • Abandon all measures which have tendency to hamper economic growth
  • Find out who’s got all the missing money (somebody must have it)
  • Take decisive steps to ensure sustained measures are kept firmly in place
  • OK – look – just forget the other stuff, let’s really solve the economy properly this time …. s t a r t i n g……. now!
  • Create a comprehensive economic growth package to stimulate smart growth in the present while simultaneously assembling a strong set of added initiatives designed to stimulate future long term prosperity in a fully sustainable way
  • Keep talking a load of old claptrap as the economy slides deeper into oblivion because it’s our job to keep everyone distracted and reassured in order to buy a bit more time for the people who really own and run this fake economy to hoover up the remaining tangible wealth and resources of the planet while further enslaving the tax cows with more debt before it all comes crashing down.
  • Oops, didn’t mean to say that last one out loud.
  • Drive economic growth forward with strong and vigorously sustainable action plan which is also robust
  • Aid recovery
  • Sort it out
  • Revert back to growth and prosperity immediately
  • Solve the problem by applying the correct solution to it

Backup strategies (some still in developmental stage):

  • Activate positive growth strata realignment initiatives
  • Ramify fiscal boosting policies with robust incentives
  • Target sluggish credit slack by applying healthy firming lotion
  • Lift markets and elevate growth
  • Infuse healthy vibes into the economic environment
  • Replace broken dreams with vague hope
  • Foster spiritual growth in dark confined spaces
  • Speak to the economy and persuade it to come back
  • Clear the air and start over with great make up sex and a sense of reckless abandon enhanced by the nagging hint of inevitable doom
  • Build a giant wormery and feed it bad debt
  • Draw economic growth in by hand with a big red marker pen (is that allowed?)
  • Hold hands with work colleagues that often annoy you and feel uncomfortable at first and then suddenly moved by feelings of mortality followed by a sense of warmth and friendship you’ve never felt so strongly before in the workplace
  • Lie on the floor and let it all out in one great big giant glorious howl at infinity
  • Start a campaign to sprinkle glitter onto the back of every bank note in the world by hand, thus saving the economy by ensuring it is backed by glitter – to be known as ‘the glitter standard’

If you have any strategies, add them in the comments below!


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